Don't Just Do Something - Stand there!

I often find myself repeating “Don’t just do something - stand there!” to myself throughout the school day. As adults working with kids, we inherently want to do something - we want to tell them what to do, we want to fix their problems, we want to tell them to sit down and be quiet and to remind them to follow the rules. Of course, many times this is our job - we are there to provide structure and safety.

Yet, so many times our adult instincts make us want to jump in and just do something when the kids don’t need us to. In fact, whenever we jump in, we are taking away their opportunities to problem solve on their own - and worse - telling them we don’t think they can handle solving it on their own.

There is a freedom we give our children when we say “I know you’ve got this, but I’m here if you need help. Just let me know” whether we say it with our words, our eyes, our actions, or our mere presence being with them but not jumping in.

As an adult, this is a hard lesson to learn. Our first instinct is to do something - anything!

Often, this instinct to “do something” comes when we ourselves are feeling like we have lost control. We try to do something to instill order. Or, what is often the case for me - I try to insert control when I feel like another adult is judging me. As though I need to prove to them that I’m not a horrible teacher. It’s often about me and my own insecurity - it’s not about them.

Other times, the instinct to jump in is just so ingrained in us that we do not even notice we are doing it. We talk for and over kids, we answer questions they could answer, and we tell them “I don’t think that will work” without letting them try it out and have it fail.

When I can stay present and follow the Buddha’s “stand there” advice, I am able to take in the whole situation. I can see the origin of the conflict or the purpose behind the behavior. I give time and space for learners to process the answer to a question, plan their response, or stand up for their own discomfort instead of relying on an adult to do so. If they aren’t ready to do so, I’m there to offer support - hopefully in the way of a “just right challenge” so it allows them to stretch themselves while still feeling safe and held.

Our program is designed to provide our learners with the freedom to explore ideas and to give them the gift of failure along with the empowerment to grow. Our learners will not get there if I cannot hold myself back from jumping in, solving problems, or giving them answers, as hard as it might be for me.